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Maybe you are dealing with a narcissist if you have ever felt that you simply can’t crawl off of a rollercoaster of head games and emotions. They’re master manipulators who are good at playing with your emotions and making you think you’re crazy.
According to the National Institutes of Health, there are approximately 6.2% of the U.S. population with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), so chances are pretty good you’ve met one. Here are 18 different ways narcissists might try to hurt you so you know how to spot these signs early on and duck the drama.
Gaslighting You into Confusion
Psychologist Dr. Robin Stern says gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that “makes you feel like the rug of reality has been pulled out from under you.” The classic narcissist move is gaslighting.
They will tell lies, deny past statements, and make you wonder if you are remembering correctly or if you’re losing your mind. In the long run, you could end up thinking you’re going crazy. Recognize this tactic — it’s a tactic — and remind yourself of the truth. It keeps your grip on reality by keeping a journal or a record of what happened.
Playing the Victim Card
Narcissists are pros at turning the tables, making them seem like the victims. They’ll tell you how much you’re mistreating them and guilt trip you into thinking that they deserve sympathy and devotion.
This is just another way that they try to manipulate your emotions in order to have control.
Withholding Affection as Punishment
The love bomb phase is over, and the narcissist begins to withhold affection to punish or control your behaviors. It’s such an emotional rollercoaster; you simply never know when their mood will lighten back to one of love.
We need to be aware of it and to be emotionally out of the relationship.
Triangulation Techniques
Triangulation is when a third party is brought into your relationship to make you feel jealous or insecure. The narcissist constantly keeps you on edge by comparing you to others or by using someone else to criticize you. Don’t play into this trick and realize your worth.
Devaluing Your Achievements
A narcissist can find a way to bring your accomplishments down or take credit for your successes. By making you dependent on their validation this way, they ensure you stay dependent on them.
Take time to celebrate your successes independently and spend time with people who truly support and admire you.
Love-Bombing to Pull You In
When your relationship with a narcissist begins, they will shower you with love and gifts, which is known as love bombing. According to therapist Shirin Peykar, this is their way of getting you hooked on them.
These acts of affection, however, are simply bait. After you’re reeled in, the love bombing goes away, and you see a much darker side.
Projecting Their Insecurities onto You
Narcissists use projection as a defense mechanism, placing their own flaws on you. To stay away from their own faults, they accuse you of the very things they are guilty of.
If you realize this is a tactic they employ, you will be able to see past the smoke and mirrors and figure out why they actually criticize you.
Shifting Blame Effortlessly
Nothing is ever the fault of the narcissist. Don’t ever underestimate how much they’ll twist situations towards making you the scapegoat, the guilty party, the one to blame for their actions.
They act this way because they fear feeling vulnerable, says author Dr. Martha Stout, author of “The Sociopath Next Door.” Don’t take on blame that wasn’t yours; stand firm.
Constant Criticism and Belittling
Narcissists love making you feel small and worthless. They’ll trash your looks and your abilities and essentially chip away at the foundation of your self-esteem.
Dr. Julie Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life,” notes that criticism is a way to assert dominance. To counteract this tactic, remind yourself of your strengths and be around positive influences.
Guilt-Tripping You into Submission
Narcissists can use guilt to bind your hands and control your actions. They’ll tell you that asking for time to spend with friends or follow your own interests is selfish, and you will be tied to their demands.
Take a moment to remember that you are not worth their influence in your life.
Inducing Fear and Anxiety
One narcissistic tactic is to create an atmosphere of fear and anxiety, which will keep you on edge. They will threaten to leave and or create drama to make you a wreck emotionally. Know this ploy and grow your resilience through self-care and support systems.
Stonewalling to Shut You Down
Narcissists can stonewall you by refusing to communicate or listen to you if they don’t want to have a conversation or be held accountable. This tactic basically leaves you isolated and feeling powerless. Don’t fall for their trap; seek constructive communication elsewhere.
Using Word Salad to Confuse
A tactic narcissists will use is “word salad”; they’ll talk in circles or jumble their words to confuse you. That leaves you loopy and unable to even address the issue you are trying to solve. Keep your concentration and expect clarity in your interactions.
Future Faking to Keep You Hooked
Future faking is how you make big promises about what is to come without any intention of carrying them out.
This approach ensures you remain involved with the relationship, anticipating things will be better. Know these empty promises, and be more concerned with your present well-being than what you imagine the future to be.
Emotional Blackmail
Narcissists can use emotional blackmail in order to keep you in their power, threatening to hurt themselves or your relationship if you don’t do what they want. This is an emotionally draining manipulative tactic, and you need to get away from it; ask for help from friends, family, or professionals.
Boundary-Breaking Behavior
With narcissists, you have no personal boundaries: they’ll invade your privacy or ignore your wishes. Set strong boundaries and tell them plainly. It is important to enforce these limits because it keeps you autonomous.
Hoovering to Suck You Back In
If you’ve managed to distance yourself, a narcissist may then try ‘hoovering’ you back into orbit with apologies, gifts, or affection. Don’t go backward just because you are tempted to re-enter their toxic cycle. Remember why you left in the first place.
Smear Campaigns to Ruin Your Reputation
If you do decide to leave a narcissist, however, don’t be surprised if they launch a smear campaign to ruin your reputation. This is what they will do to strip you of your support system and seclude you. Stay strong, and make sure you’re with people who truly know you.
Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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