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According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 40 – 50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Marriage can be a roller coaster of emotions, from the highest of highs to some downright stomach-churning lows.
Now, what if the ride were stuck on a low? What do you do when your husband checks off the ‘meh’ instead of the ‘ madly in love’ box? Rough patches come and go for most couples, but if you feel like the air between you is changing, you may want to have a heart-to-heart.
Communication Has Taken a Back Seat
An obvious sign that your husband might be unhappy is if he suddenly clams up. Do you remember when you used to discuss world events and the weird stuff your cat did? If he’s suddenly silent, it could mean he’s out of the emotional game.
Any strong marriage is built on open and honest communication. Start off by asking open-ended questions or asking questions about things you know he likes.
He’s Suddenly a Workaholic
So, is he logging more hours at work than before? Ambition is great, but burying himself in work might be his way to dodge the issue back home.
If it’s a new behaviour, ask some key questions about his goals and stressors, and see what support you can give without reducing on the quality time you share.
He’s Lost Interest in Shared Activities
Do you remember the days movie marathons or game nights were on Friday nights? A little cause for concern could come in if he’s now choosing not to partake in your usual together time activities.
Instead, ask him what new activities he wants to do, or the ones he misses doing with you. A good start is reintroducing shared hobbies.
Financial Secrets Are Piling Up
In any relationship, there is no substitute for financial transparency. If he’s making major financial decisions without you or keeping his spending under wraps, there’s mistrust, or it isn’t meshing for him.
Treat this topic with care and move toward setting financial goals and budgets together.
His Friends Know More Than You Do
If he starts sharing more with others rather than with you, it may be because he doesn’t feel heard at home. The spousal bond is as important as friendships are.
Tell him that you’re there to hear and support him, and maybe find a dedicated time when you two won’t be distracted each week.
He’s More Distant Than a Distant Relative
If you find that your husband has noticeably become either much less communicative or withdrawn, it might mean he is having trouble putting his feelings into words.
According to The Gottman Institute, stonewalling is a common response to marital dissatisfaction. You should encourage open conversations about how to bridge this gap
He’s Always (Conveniently) Busy
Whenever you want to talk about feelings, is he suddenly all busy with “urgent” work? That could just be avoidance.
This might be a pattern, and if that’s the case, it might be time to gently confront him. Make a safe place for him to feel comfortable enough to share what’s really on his brain.
Intimacy Is a Thing of the Past
Declining interest in intimacy can be a clear indicator of unhappiness. The Kinsey Institute study found that a rewarding sexual relationship is linked to a satisfying marital relationship. Consider what’s behind the curtain if intimacy is on the downswing.
Trust Issues Are Skyrocketing
If all of a sudden he is keeping tabs on you or now quizzing you about every move you’re making, then there might be some deeper trust issues going on.
It’s no secret that trust is the foundation of any relationship, and without it, things tend to fall quickly. Be open, talk about trust, and work together on rebuilding a fractured unit.
He’s Frequently in a Bad Mood
We all have off days, but if this storm cloud is your husband every day, then that may be a sign that he is simply not happy.
See if you can try to pinpoint stressors in his life that are causing this shift in mood and see if there’s something you both can do to help ease these for him.
He Avoids Family Events
Is he avoiding family holidays or turning down invitations to get together with your respective circle of friends? Perhaps he’s trying to avoid contributing here because he feels disconnected.
Start talking about your social lives and see where you can make things more fun together.
He’s Disinterested in the Future
He used to light up if you talked to him about future plans — vacations, home projects, and the next big adventure.
If he seems nonchalant or evasive about planning now, it’s probably because he isn’t invested in the future you two share. Start to discuss your dreams and what you aspire to do.
He’s Defensive About Small Things
Being defensive (to every small critique or question) may just mean that he feels unhappy or insecure. With empathy, approach him and attempt to define the foundation for his defensive trait and provide him support not criticism.
He’s Neglecting Your Emotional Needs
Relationships are about giving and taking. If he’s ignoring your emotional needs or blowing you off, that might mean he’s not happy. Tell him how his behavior hurts you and work on ways that you both can help nurture each other’s emotional well-being.
He’s Exhibiting Self-Destructive Behaviors
Do those poor, unhealthy habits seem to have crept into his life, like excessive drinking, smoking, or reckless spending? If he’s doing things like these, it could show that he’s struggling emotionally. Ask him to get help and help him find more healthy coping mechanisms together.
He Criticizes More Than Praises
It’s one thing to give constructive criticism, but if your husband’s feedback sounds more like someone from the snarkiest of the food critics, that usually means something’s not right.
The Gottman Institute says that for a marriage to succeed, there should be five positive interactions for every negative one. It could boost morale by increasing the positive-to-negative ratio.
He’s Uncharacteristically Secretive
He may be hiding something—or he may just need some privacy—but if he’s suddenly guarding his phone, as if it contains the nuclear codes, or being evasive about where he’s going, that’s a red flag. Start talking about boundaries and being transparent to get things out in the open.
Counseling Is Off the Table
His refusal to admit to or deal with his unhappiness might also be signaled by resistance to the suggestion of couples counseling. Explain the benefits of counseling to your relationship; explain that it’s not a sign of failure.
Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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