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It can be difficult to overcome the ingrained habit of people-pleasing, but it’s a necessary step in growing and communicating more effectively. We all sprinkle our conversations with phrases that mean exactly the opposite of what we think. A University of California study found that 58% of people agree to take on some tasks to avoid conflict or please someone.
Slowly becoming more conscious of how you speak and incorporating a more assertive tone can work wonders in terms of your communication skills and relationships with others. Here are 15 phrases to avoid and tips on how to replace them with assertive, empowering language.
“I’m sorry, but…”
This phrase typically accompanies a non-apology about something that is not the speaker’s fault, making a blow in an assertion less blunt. It instantly diminishes your message.
Saying “but” after an apology ridicules the innocence of your “I’m sorry ” and can also be received as defensive. Instead, try saying, “I’m sorry if this caused any inconvenience,” “Let’s find a solution together,” or even opening with “I believe” or, “I think.”
“Does that make sense?”
This can be condescending or patronizing, depending on how another person takes it. It is better to say, “So what are your thoughts about this thing I just explained to you?”
Doing this shows them you care about their thoughts and are willing to correct misunderstandings. Questioning all the time if you make sense can stem from self-doubt.
“Just checking in…”
The term “just” lessens the significance of your ask. This is often said as a less abrasive way to ask for something. But this may make you appear uncertain or waffling.
Rather, show courage in your asks and directly say, “I wanted to follow up on…,” or “I am writing you about…”
“If it’s not too much trouble…”
This sounds polite, but it puts the weight of your request down on the recipient. It implies that you think your request may be an inconvenience.
It also suggests you might be bothering to ask. Rephrase this with “I would be grateful if…” or “Can you please…?”
“I’m fine with whatever.”
This phrase comes across as wishy-washy and lacking in assertiveness. Indecisiveness can make others see you as a pushover. It is also easily read as no interest or indifference.
You need to speak up and make known what floats your boat by saying, “I prefer…” or “I think we should do.” This shows you are confident and decisive.
“As long as everyone else is okay with it.”
This suggests that you prioritize others’ needs over your own. It also suggests that you don’t value your own opinions or are afraid to speak up for yourself.
Say what you think without worrying about whether others will like it. To make a statement, simply use “I think…” or “My suggestion is…”
“I could be wrong, but…”
This shows that you are belittling yourself. Leading with self-doubt takes the power and importance away from your thoughts and ideas.
Express your opinion with ‘I believe…’ and ‘I have a different view on this.’ This demonstrates confidence without belittling other people’s viewpoints.
“Sorry to bother you…”
It is a big no-no if, even before you ask for something, you think of yourself as a bother. This phrase already discredits your request before you even get a chance to make the request in and of itself.
It centers on your inconvenience rather than the person’s willingness to help. Ask, “Do you have some time?” or “Thank you for taking the time” instead.
“Whatever you think is best.”
This phrase puts all the decision power in someone else. This shows you are not taking a pro or anti position. It can make it look like you lack confidence and are not committed to the tentative outcome.
Express your preferences and thoughts assertively, using phrases like “I believe…” or “My recommendation is…” followed by your reasoning.
“Not a problem.”
You are promptly brushing off their gratitude, which makes it sound like it’s not a big deal. Just respond by saying, “You’re welcome” or “happy to help.”
This acknowledges the person and their gratitude. It reflects greater authority and a positive willingness to take credit.
“I don’t mind.”
This is usually read as you have no opinion or care, which might make you come off as indecisive. According to a study by the Corporate Leadership Council, employees who participate in decision-making and have an unequivocally expressed preference towards an outcome are 25% more productive than other employees.
Speak up and voice your preferences with confidence. Use phrases like “I prefer” or “My suggestion is” to foster clear communication and stronger collaboration with your peers.
“Maybe we could…”
The maybe in that sentence weakens your proposal. It indicates a hesitance and insecurity. This can make you appear uncertain or under-confident in yourself and your ideas.
Use phrases like “We should” or “How about we…” to present your thoughts and opinions assertively.
“I’ll try.”
I’ll try is a cop-out and the perfect backdoor to get out of something with little accountability. The phrase is often tinged with insecurity, lacking the surety and swagger necessary in most professions and personal transactions. 85% of employees are actively disengaged at work, leading to low productivity, according to a Gallup poll.
It shows the significance that being all in does to accomplish great things. Instead of saying, “I’ll try,” use the words “I will” or “I am committed to.” This communicates decisiveness and lets others know to take your input seriously.
“Up to you.”
Leaving decisions in the hands of others often signals indecisiveness or avoidance. Individuals who over-rely on others for decision-making report heightened levels of stress and dissatisfaction, according to a Harvard Business Review study.
This is because depending on others every time decisions need to be made leaves the one in need feeling powerless and without control over their life. Be bold and assertive when you state your insights, for example, “I suggest…” or “My recommendation is.” This will evoke a sense of respect and working together.
“Just a thought.”
This phrase may seem like a humble way to introduce an idea, but it undermines the importance of your suggestion. It makes it seem like you’re unsure or doubtful about your thoughts.
Confidently present your idea with phrases like “I have an idea” or “My recommendation is…” This will show that you value your ideas and are confident in sharing them with others.
Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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