15 Things to Never Ever Discuss in Front of Kids

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Parenting is like walking a tightrope between trying to make sure your child is well rounded and happy, and keeping things safe from them until they’re ready. It is not just about what you say; it’s when and how you say it. Kids are sponges, they soak up words, emotions, and the silent cues we think they don’t see. The conversations that are meant for adult ears can inadvertently influence how they see, feel and act.

If you’re wondering what subjects you should avoid in front of the little ones, here are 15 you might want to put on your ‘do not discuss’ list.

Financial Woes

They don’t need to know how tight things are with the bills or how likely it is that rent will be late this month. Financial literacy is important, but hearing about financial struggles before it’s time can cause anxiety or gives them a premature sense of responsibility. Children begin developing financial habits at age 7, a study by the University of Cambridge found. Instead, save the heavy conversations for later and teach them the basics in age appropriate ways.

Adult Arguments

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Kids can feel insecure from watching adults argue. They would consider any tension as the world coming apart at the seams. Save the heated debates or passive aggressive comments for when you are alone. A child feels safer in a calm household, and that foundation will help build healthy relationships in their own lives.

Criticism of Others

It’s easy to talk negatively about a neighbor, a family member, or even a stranger down the street. Kids are quick to echo what they hear, and often in the least appropriate place. Gossip teaches judgment, not kindness, and its entire focus is on embarrassment. Those are the conversations to keep for trusted adults who won’t repeat them at recess.

Your Relationship Troubles

Young ears don’t need to hear details about a rocky marriage or the fight you had with your partner. When kids feel their parents are at odds, even if it’s not their fault, they tend to blame themselves. Shield themselves from the ups and downs of adult relationships, so that they can concentrate on their own growth and happiness.

Scary News Stories

The headlines might be filled with mass shootings, natural disasters and political unrest, but they don’t have to be the headlines inside your home. These events can’t be processed by kids like adults can. Rather than bombard them with the raw details, tell them they will be safe then allow them to ask questions in their own time.

Past Mistakes

I’m sure you may have made decisions you are not proud of, but you don’t want to share that your kids. Sharing, in this case, can lead to blurring of authority, which will make it difficult for them to respect you and your leadership. Tell them the lessons you learned when they’re old enough to understand, but the gritty details stay private.

Judgments About Their Friends

You may want to vent about your child’s BFF not being your favorite, but don’t do it. These comments get to kids and they can feel torn between pleasing you or staying loyal to their friend. If there are concerns, take them up with your co parent or other adult confidant in private.

Body Image Comments

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No matter who it’s about, whether it’s your own body or someone else’s, talking negatively about appearance is harmful to the receiver, and setting a bad example for others. According to the Mental Health Foundation, kids are exposed to unrealistic beauty standards through media, and hearing that in your home can add to insecurities. Think health and confidence not size and shape.

Family Secrets

Talking about addiction, infidelity, or estrangement is confusing or painful for kids. Maybe, they don’t get the nuances or they may completely misunderstand the situation. This is something to discuss between adults who can handle what it entails.

Work Stress

Work frustrations can bring their dark cloud over family time. It can make kids think your job is unhappy and it’s what they’ll have in the future. Share the highlights of your day, not the grumbling after bedtime.

Political Rants

It’s great to be passionate about current events but kids don’t have the mental capacity to understand the complexities of politics. If they pick up on the anger that is often involved in these discussions, it can confuse or scare them, hearing intense opinions. Politically debate amongst yourselves and leave the adults alone.

Cultural or Racial Bias

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Whether it’s home or school, kids learn to be accepting—or prejudiced. A person’s worldview can be shaped, even by the subtlest remarks about a person’s culture, race or background. Pick what you say wisely, and lead by example of the inclusivity you want them to have.

Your Insecurities

Whether it’s something pertaining to your intelligence, career or your parenting skills, by sharing these doubts with your kids, you may be chipping away at their confidence in you. You need to be seen as their rock even when you’re unsure of yourself. Venting should properly be saved only for one that you can trust or a therapist.

Detailed Illness Discussions

You don’t have to go into every gory detail if somebody in the family is sick. Kids take in illness differently and may not grasp what is being said. Stick with very simple explanations and comfort without taking too much on them.

Excessive Complaining

People who constantly moan and complain about life, people, or circumstances will put a negative atmosphere around you, which your kids will pick up. They may become adults just like this and it will be difficult for them to be able to feel joy or gratitude. When you feel a strong urge to vent, try to maintain a balanced tone.

Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.