16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person

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It can be challenging to know what to say or how to console someone we know or care about when they are mourning. Sometimes, we struggle to find the right words and say something nasty or inappropriate. It’s vital to remember that the suffering individual is experiencing strong emotions at this time and might be wiser than what is stated.

In light of that, the following 16 statements should never be spoken to a mourning person.

I Know How You Feel

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
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Nobody can know how another person feels. That was the only relationship the bereaved had with the deceased. Additionally, it seems from your reply that you are equating your loss with theirs.

If you truly have experienced the same sorrow, consider expressing it like this: “I also lost my daughter.” It is so horrible to lose a child. We will occasionally add, “As much as anyone can, I understand your pain; I also lost a brother.” If not, it’s better to ignore this statement.

“Time Heals All Wounds.”

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
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Even if someone does nothing, the initial grieving eventually goes away; nevertheless, if the grief accompanying a particular loss is not appropriately addressed, it may cause issues. Consequently, the true determinant of success is an individual’s time use. According to the adage, “time heals all wounds,” all you can do to deal with your sadness is to wait it out.

It also suggests that grieving is similar to a “wound” that will heal in a straight line. Grief is not like that. It is necessary to give grief a voice, which entails providing an outlet. There are millions of ways to accomplish it.

“Don’t Cry.”

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
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Another thing you should never say to someone mourning is this: I understand how easy it would be to say, “Oh, please don’t cry.” Everything will work out. When they are sobbing, please give them a tissue instead of speaking.

Alternatively, it would be best if you started crying with them. Never forget that your emotions are a testament to your sincerity. Just watch out for it not to become the griever caring for you.

“You Need to Put This Behind You So You Can Go On.”

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
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The loss of a loved one never truly leaves a person since it is a constant companion. To be more precise, they bring their loved one into the new life they are creating. Remember that, without that person in the world, they must start their lives over from scratch.

In the process, they also reestablish their relationship with their loved one, which implies that the deceased will accompany them into their new existence and be an integral part of it forever. This is beneficial and healthful.

Don’t Think About That.” or “Think of the Good Times.”

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
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Once more, this demonstrates your attempt to alter their grief process. While some feel that remembering the happy times brings them comfort immediately, others discover that doing so brings to memory the things they have lost and must, therefore, refrain from doing so for a while. 

Once more, avoid offering advice that involves attempting to alter the recipient’s actions or emotions.

“Everything Happens for a Reason.”

Comm16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Personon Phrases You Didn't Realize Were Abusive
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As with claims concerning God’s will, this may come off as minimizing the suffering and loss the individual is going through. Additionally, it implies that the person in mourning is at fault for the passing of their loved one.

“Something Good Always Comes Out of Every Tragedy.” or “There’s a Silver Lining in Everything.”

 16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
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That may be the case for many things in life. Still, these statements convey to the bereaved that although it is painful that their loved one has passed away, no matter how horrible the circumstances of their death may have been, they know that something wonderful and positive will eventually come out of it. You understand that this positive thing would not have occurred had your loved one not passed away.

Ouch! Tragedies do not always lead to anything beautiful. Every catastrophe does produce a new individual who gradually reconstructs their life. They will learn to live without their loved one there with your love and support.

“Did You Try This…?” “You Should Do This…”

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
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Remarks such as this convey the idea that an individual has to change. Anything that implies you are attempting to influence their emotions should be avoided. Those mourning find these remarks irritating since they only want somebody to “be” there for them—not provide advice. People could ask, “Are you exercising? You ought to work out.

The endorphins will be beneficial. or “You ought to go out more.” It will benefit you. Refrain from utilizing “the shoulds” or advocating. Listen without offering any solutions. The only time this wouldn’t apply is if you, too, had experienced a loss and discovered something that truly helped—for example, a grieving support group you visited and found to be quite beneficial.

“He Wouldn’t Want You to Be Unhappy.” or “She Would Want You to Be Happy.”

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
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It is not consoling to tell someone who is mourning, in pain, and battling this, even if you know the deceased and you are certain that they would want their loved one to be happy.

You essentially state, “He/she would not like it that you are not happy,” adding to their pain. Additionally, it conveys the idea that people “should not” be depressed. How on earth are they content now? They are in mourning. They will undoubtedly be content again one day.

“He Was Such a Trooper. He Fought the Good Fight.”

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
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While it seems reasonable to draw attention to someone’s bravery in the face of disease, Nowinski claims that remarks such as these indicate that someone’s death is the result of their failure to fight hard enough.

Each experiences grief uniquely. Counseling might be helpful in some situations.) Try talking about how he survived or dealt with things instead.

“He’s in a Better Place.”

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
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This type of wording doesn’t address your friend’s feelings of loss, even if you temporarily forget that she might not even believe in heaven, according to Dee L. Shepherd-Look, a psychology professor at California State University, Northridge. Rather, attempt… “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“She Lived a Full Life.”

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
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This unintentionally ends the conversation. The pain may be excruciating, even if your buddy lost her 109-year-old grandma.

No matter how long her loved one lived, she wants your confirmation. Talk less and listen more in the long run. When she’s ready, you may ask her if she wants to talk about it and give her the name of the deceased person.

“Be Grateful for the Time You Had Together.”

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
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Although this remark could have excellent intentions, it might inadvertently downplay the importance of the loss.

The suffering individual may not be ready to express gratitude for their loved one’s passing just yet, but they are probably well aware of how valuable their time with them was.

“It Was God’s Will.”

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
Photo provided by Liza Summers

As with the claim about a better location, this may cause harm to those with different religious views. It may also suggest that the passing of their loved one was part of a bigger plan, which might not bring much consolation to the bereaved family.

“I Understand How Hard This Must Be for You.”

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
photo provided by Liza Summers

Even if saying, “I know how you feel,” may appear less dismissive than saying something more compassionate, offering your support, and letting the individual going through a loss know you are there for them without attempting to understand.

“It’s Time to Move On.”

16 Things You Should Never Utter to a Grieving Person
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Moving on from a loss is not always easy or even possible. This statement implies a set timeframe for grieving and that the person should be over it by now.

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