18 Things Guys Think Are Chivalrous But Are Actually Just Annoying to Women
This post may contain affiliate links.
Traditional gender roles have long dictated how men and women should behave within society. They often cast men as protectors and providers while women were seen as caretakers and homemakers. These norms were deeply rooted in cultural, social, and economic structures, shaping expectations in relationships, workplaces, and communities.
In 15 countries, Â 70% to 90% of men have desired to take on an equal role in household chores and child-rearing. The rise of feminist movements and an increased focus on gender equality have opened up conversations about the limitations of traditional roles. Here are 18 things guys still think are chivalrous but are annoying to women.
Holding Doors Open
It’s a gesture deeply ingrained in traditional chivalry, meant to show respect and care. Many women just see it as an overzealous act of “man-splaining” how to enter a building. Most of us have perfected the art of opening doors since we were toddlers.
If you see someone approaching the door, hold it open as a simple act of kindness, without the theatrics. The key is to keep it casual—simply clear the way and let them decide whether to glide through or take the lead. And hey, if you catch someone struggling with their hands full, that’s your cue to step in with some help.
Paying the Bill
37% of women prefer to split the bill on dates. Why? Because autonomy is sexy and feeling like a financial charity case? Not so much.
When a guy insists on paying without consulting his date, it can convey that he views her as less capable of handling her finances. Offer to pay, but be willing to accept a split if she prefers. Casually ask, “Want to split this?” or simply say, “Let’s go Dutch, sound good?”
Offering Unsolicited Help
Picture this: you’re perfectly capable of handling your grocery bags, and here comes Mr. Knight in Shining Armor, swooping in to “save the day.” What he thinks is a chivalrous act feels like an unsolicited invasion of personal space and capability.
Try a simple “Hey, would you like some help?” This straightforward approach respects her autonomy and acknowledges her ability to handle things independently. If she says “no thanks,”—take a step back.
Standing Up When a Woman Leaves or Returns to the Table
It has roots in older traditions where men would rise to acknowledge the presence of women. This action seems to say, “I value your company.” Instead of creating an atmosphere of mutual respect, it can unintentionally make the interaction seem formal and stiff, detracting from a relaxed atmosphere.
The reality is that standing can disrupt the flow of conversation and may interfere with a woman’s ability to transition smoothly out of the situation. A simple nod or a smile as she gets up conveys your attention and acknowledgment without the awkwardness of standing.
Walking on the Outside of the Sidewalk
Walking on the “outside” of the sidewalk is rooted in the vintage notion of protecting women from oncoming traffic or the splashes of puddles. Historically, it was thought that men would take this position to ensure women remained safe and unscathed—a noble idea.
However, in contemporary society, it often leads to an awkward dance down the sidewalk, where one partner constantly shifts to avoid bumping into each other or traffic. It can even imply that women are delicate and need protection. Instead, walk side by side and communicate openly about your route.
Pulling Out Chairs
Historically, men would pull out chairs for women as a sign of respect and courtesy, particularly during formal dining occasions. It was about honoring the lady’s presence and ensuring she was seated comfortably.
However, it can come off as patronizing, suggesting that the woman needs help sitting down. It can also be awkward and impractical, especially in crowded restaurants. Gauge the setting. At a formal event, this might still be appreciated. In casual settings, it’s usually best to skip it.
Offering a Woman His Jacket
Imagine this: a woman is enjoying a night out, keen to project her style, and suddenly, a guy swoops in, offering his oversized jacket like a knight in shining armor. Instead of feeling flattered, she might feel her individuality is being overshadowed, making her think, “Great, now I look like a tent!”
If you notice she’s cold, ask, “Would you like to borrow my jacket?” This acknowledges her autonomy while still showing your consideration. Or better yet, suggest a cozy place to sit indoors, like a café or a bar.
Insisting on Making Decisions
Being decisive is good, but making decisions without consulting your partner can come off as patronizing or dismissive of a woman’s agency. Women enjoy having their voices heard and their preferences considered.
For example, imagine planning a dinner date. Rather than solely selecting the restaurant, inviting your date to share her thoughts creates an engaging conversation that can bolster connection. Try open-ended questions like, “What type of cuisine are you in the mood for?” or “Shall we try a new place or stick to our favorites?”
Escorting Her Home
On the surface, it can come off as overbearing or even patronizing. Moreover, being escorted home, especially on a first date, can flip the script from a pleasant outing to a potential safety concern.
According to RAINN, nearly 1 in 5 women have experienced completed or attempted assault in their lifetime, which can amplify feelings of vulnerability after a night out. Offer to call her a cab or suggest using a rideshare service if she’s uncomfortable.
Making the First Move Always
Research shows that 72% of women appreciate it when a potential partner shows interest and makes the first move. But they also value mutual engagement and reciprocity.
When a guy insists on being the first every time, it can create an imbalance in the dynamic, leaving women feeling sidelined and reducing their chances to show vulnerability and agency. Embrace a more balanced approach. Sometimes, make the first move, but also encourage her to join in and express her interest.
Over-the-Top Romantic Gestures
We’ve all seen the movies where the hero swoops in with flowers the size of a small car or professes his love in a public arena, a la Say Anything. Most women prefer simple, heartfelt gestures over-elaborate displays, though some like dramatic gestures.
When you go big the first time, it can feel like there’s nowhere to go but down—causing anxiety about maintaining that “grand” standard. Instead of focusing on elaborate plans, consider small, thoughtful touches that speak to her interests.
Overcomplimenting
Most women appreciate a thoughtful compliment, but showering her with excessive praise can come across as insincere or patronizing. For example, if you compliment everything from her hairstyle to her outfit to her choice of coffee, it can lead to an impression of disingenuity.
Instead, aim for quality over quantity. Pick one sincere compliment that focuses on something unique, like her insight during conversations or passion for a hobby. It’s not about how much you say but the meaning behind your words that counts.
Assuming Traditional Gender Roles
It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that being the “provider” is the ultimate chivalrous act—after all, many movies and stories glorify this archetype. ZipDo notes that as of 2024, women are the primary breadwinners in 42% of U.S. households (a 31% increase since 2000). Female breadwinners in dual-income families have also risen from 27% in 1970 to 62% in 2014.
Obviously, times (and the economy) are changing. Instead of assuming one person should bear the weight, engage in conversations about finances, share budgeting responsibilities, and support each other’s ambitions.
Being Overly Persistent
Persistence in pursuing a woman is often romanticized as determination and deep interest. But it can easily cross into harassment. You’ve probably heard of the term “ghosting,” a phenomenon where someone disappears from communication; persistence often breeds this behavior, not genuine connection.
Rather than flooding her inbox or keeping her on the line with follow-up messages, try giving her space. Respect her responses, or lack thereof, and rely on open and honest communication. If she seems unresponsive or hesitant, take it as a cue to step back.
Interrupting to Speak on Her Behalf
A study from George Washington University found that men interrupted 33 percent more often when they spoke with women (2.1 times in a three-minute conversation) than when they spoke with other men.
It disrupts her flow and conveys that her voice isn’t valid or worthy. This can be incredibly frustrating, leading her to feel sidelined and dismissed. Try active listening. When she pauses, offer supportive prompts like, “That’s interesting. What else can you share?”
Expecting Gratitude
While many guys believe that acts of kindness—like holding a door open, offering a jacket, or paying for dinner—should be met with effusive thanks, many women find this expectation quite annoying. Studies show that when assistance is given with the underlying assumption of gratitude in return, it transforms into a transactional interaction rather than a respectful and caring one.
If you open a door for someone, do it because you want to, not because you want a medal. Genuine kindness shines brightest when it’s freely given—no cheerleading required! Acts of kindness should be given freely, without strings attached.
Giving Up Your Seat
Offering your seat can inadvertently convey that you believe they are less capable. It’s all about context—consider that a woman may have chosen to stand for a reason, whether to remain mobile or simply because she feels more comfortable.
Moreover, women may worry about the dynamics of the interaction; will the seat-giver expect a thank you or even a romantic gesture in return? This can create an uncomfortable pressure that detracts from the act’s intended kindness. If she looks like she needs a seat and none are available, offer yours. Otherwise, it’s usually best to remain seated.
Taking Over “Manly” Chores Without Asking
For example, swooping in to take over yard work or heavy lifting might seem like a heroic gesture, but consider this: it could feel like you’re saying, “I don’t trust you to do it right.” Instead of earning brownie points, you risk propelling an already do-it-yourself culture into the realm of “let me handle this.”
Plus, doing chores without asking can disrupt established routines and cause misunderstandings about the division of responsibilities. Initiate a conversation about household tasks and discuss who is comfortable handling what. You could say, “I noticed the lawn needs attention—would you like me to take care of it, or do you want to tackle it together?”
Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
The 18 Dumbest Things Men Associate Their Masculinity With Today
In the grand theater of life, masculinity has often been associated with a bewildering array of props – some amusing, some perplexing, and others downright illogical. From the size of one’s bicep, the depth of one’s voice, the choice of a car, to the preference for meaty meals, men have often found themselves embroiled in a curious quest to assert their manhood.
The 18 Dumbest Things Men Associate Their Masculinity With Today
10 Real Things Men Confess They Hate About Other Men
It’s no surprise that women complain about men’s bad behavior. However, I was surprised to see an online forum where men admitted traits they couldn’t do their gender.
