12 Telltale Signs Someone Was Raised By Narcissistic Parents
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Have you ever met someone who seems to have an air of mystery about their upbringing? Sometimes, the clues can be subtle yet telling. If you’ve wondered why certain people exhibit specific behaviors or struggle with particular issues, the answer might lie in their childhood. Specifically, they might have been raised by narcissistic parents. Approximately 0.5% of the United States population, or 1 in 200 people, has a narcissistic personality disorder, as per The Recovery Village.
Narcissism is characterized by self-centeredness, lack of empathy, and constant need for attention from others. A common theme among the narcs is that their children are not free agents but rather extensions of themselves. This results in several manipulative actions to ensure they are still at the top and help sustain their little egos.
Low Self-Esteem and Feelings of Worthlessness
The most apparent signs are poor self-esteem and a perception of worthlessness. Children of narcissistic parents frequently take to heart the continuous criticisms and illogical demands. They have been having this negative narrative conditioning in their mind, which greatly affects their self-worth and self-confidence.
Difficulty Setting and Maintaining Healthy Boundaries
Establishing boundaries is crucial to a healthy relationship. But this is easier said than done, especially for kids brought up by narcissists. They are taught that their boundaries and personal space don’t matter much and their wants are unimportant! It can make it hard for people to say no or stand up for their well-being as adults.
Trouble Identifying or Expressing Emotions
Adult children of narcissists may have difficulty recognizing and articulating their emotions. This meant they were most likely not heard and emotionally repressed. They might not know they are even feeling these things or feel uncomfortable showing emotions based on years of being told their feelings were incorrect or unimportant.
Perfectionism or Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
Overtly narcissistic parents often set unrealistic expectations by leading their children toward perfectionism. These children grow up thinking that anything less than the top is a failure. Conversely, others may engage in self-sabotage as an act of defiance of those unrealistic standards.
Codependent Relationship Patterns
Codependency is yet another significant problem. This inclination to feel responsible for the needs and sentiments of others regularly goes with the offspring of narcissistic guardians who can sometimes be anchored in considerations that are deserving of outrage. This causes them to become codependent and engage in unhealthy relationships where they always put other people first regardless of their well-being.
Difficulty Making Decisions Independently
Those people are scared to make decisions. Narcissistic parents promote a culture of entitlement and often crush their children’s ability to see for themselves. A person then loses confidence in making decisions and becomes overly dependent on validation from others.
Trust Issues in Relationships
Trust does not come easy for adult children of narcissistic parents. Manipulation is always rampant, and so is emotional weaponizing, which has instilled a fear of betrayal. They feel that they cannot trust anyone and that it is always a threat for others to hurt or destroy them by taking advantage of their sensitive feelings.
High Levels of Anxiety, Guilt, or Shame
Life under the watchful eye of a narcissistic parent will result in issues such as chronic anxiety, guilt, or shame. These people usually feel like they are tip-toeing on eggshells, fearful that the slightest slip might mark their failure. These negative emotions are not ingrained in their nature; they come from the emotional manipulation they had to suffer, and this takes a toll on their mental health.
Weak Sense of Self/Identity
A weak sense of self or identity is another significant impact. Narcissistic environments disrupt normal identity development, as the children are constantly molded to fit their parents’ needs. It makes it difficult to understand who they are and what they want from life.
Tendency to Doubt One’s Own Perceptions
Gaslighting is a psychological strategy commonly employed by narcissistic parents; this implies their kids doubt the reality of their behaviors. They frequently doubt themselves, cannot rely on their internal guidance system, and seek constant external approval.
People-Pleasing Tendencies
The other common clue is being a people pleaser. They were raised to believe that they had to earn the love and validation of their narcissistic parent over and over again. They mimic this behavior, often into adulthood, that they will bend over backward to make others happy, often at the risk of hurting themselves.
Debbie Sorensen, a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist based in Denver, says that people-pleasers are particularly susceptible to burnout at work. Their kind and thoughtful nature often makes it challenging for them to set boundaries, avoid overcommitting, or become emotionally invested in their jobs.
Difficulty Receiving or Believing Compliments
Lastly, the children of narcissists have a hard time accepting compliments. They have absorbed the belief that they are never enough, making it impossible to take compliments or be kind to them.
Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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