12 Serious Consequences of Favoring One Child Over Another
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Favoring one child over another can have far-reaching consequences beyond childhood. According to Dr. Ellen Weber Libby, a psychotherapist and author of “The Favorite Child,” favoritism creates an imbalance in family dynamics that can lead to deep psychological scars.
This imbalance affects the less favored child and has significant implications for the favored child and the family.
Lower Self-Esteem in the Non-Favored Child
A child who continually feels less valued than their sibling can develop profound self-esteem issues. This diminished confidence can impact various aspects of their life, from academic performance to social interactions.
The sense of inadequacy may linger well into adulthood, affecting their mental health and future relationships.
Increased Sibling Rivalry
Favoritism can fuel intense sibling rivalry. Research indicates that siblings in families with favoritism are more likely to experience conflict.
This rivalry can extend into adulthood, making it difficult for siblings to maintain a positive relationship.
Emotional Distance from Parents
The non-favored child often feels emotionally distant from their parents, leading to a strained relationship. The American Survey Center found that people in the US who felt their parents had a favorite were less likely to seek help from family, especially parents, in tough times.
46% of those without favoritism turned to their mothers for personal issues, while only 32% with favoritism did the same.
Behavioral Problems
Favoritism can also lead to behavioral problems in the unfavored child. Children who feel neglected or less valued are likelier to engage in disruptive behavior to gain attention or express distress.
Child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham suggests, “Behavioral problems are often a cry for attention from children who feel overlooked and undervalued.”
Distorted Sense of Entitlement
Favored children may develop a distorted sense of entitlement, believing they deserve special treatment in other areas of life.
Dr. David Bredehoft, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, warns that this entitlement can hinder their ability to empathize with others and work collaboratively.Â
Academic Underachievement
Favoritism can significantly impact a child’s academic success. Those who are not favored often face academic challenges, leading to lower grades and a higher risk of dropping out.
The lack of support and motivation can demoralize these children, resulting in poor educational outcomes.
Increased Risk of Mental Health Issues
Favoritism is linked to a higher risk of mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. A study from the University of Toronto found that children who perceived themselves as less favored had significantly higher rates of depressive symptoms. The emotional neglect they feel can lead to long-term mental health challenges.
Poor Social Skills
A child who feels less valued may withdraw from social interactions to avoid further feelings of rejection.
This isolation can impede their social development, challenging forming meaningful friendships and connections. The sense of loneliness can exacerbate their emotional struggles.
Insecurity in Personal Relationships
Children who grow up feeling less favored often carry insecurity into their adult relationships. These individuals may struggle with trust and fear of abandonment, making it difficult to form stable and healthy connections.
A study published in the UNL Digital Commons found that adults who felt less favored in childhood were more likely to experience marital dissatisfaction and higher rates of divorce.
Potential for Substance Abuse
Feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth can make the less-favored child more vulnerable to substance abuse.
They may resort to drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism to dull their emotional pain, leading to a downward spiral with lasting health and legal repercussions.
Career Implications
Favoritism within the family can indirectly affect a child’s career trajectory. The less-favored child might lack the confidence and support to pursue their goals, limiting their professional achievements.
Conversely, the favored child might struggle with the pressures of high expectations, leading to burnout or dissatisfaction.
Distorted Sense of Fairness
Children who witness or experience favoritism develop a skewed understanding of fairness and justice. These distorted beliefs might carry into adulthood, affecting their personal and professional lives. They may either accept unfair treatment or perpetuate it in their relationships.
Addressing favoritism within the family is essential for the well-being of all children involved. Parents can help their children develop into well-adjusted, confident adults by fostering an environment of equality and unconditional love.
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