13 Things We Should Stop Saying to People With Anxiety

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Anxiety can show up in different ways, from racing thoughts to physical discomfort. For people living with anxiety, everyday situations may feel overwhelming. Understanding what to say and avoid can help create a supportive environment for those facing these challenges.

Words have power, and what we say can impact how someone feels. It is important to be mindful of our language when talking to someone who has anxiety. Small adjustments in our conversations can make a big difference in offering comfort and support to someone in need. Here are some phrases that may seem harmless but can do more harm than good.

“Calm Down”

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Telling someone with anxiety to “calm down” is not helpful, as it can come across as dismissive. It takes more than just telling someone to calm down to manage their stress. Instead, offer support and reassurance by saying something like “I’m here for you” or “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“It’s All in Your Head”

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This phrase implies that anxiety is not a real issue and diminishes the person’s feelings. It also places blame on the individual for how they feel, which is not helpful. Validate their feelings and offer support by saying, “I understand that this feeling is difficult for you” or “I’m here to listen if you need someone to talk to.”

“You’re Overreacting”

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Anxiety can cause people to have heightened responses to situations. Saying someone is overreacting invalidates their feelings and can make them feel like they are being irrational. Instead, try to empathize with the person and acknowledge their emotions.

“Just Relax”

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This phrase may seem like good advice, but it is not helpful. It can make an anxious person feel like they are doing something wrong. Suggest relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or meditation and offer to do it together. That way, you provide support and companionship.

“Stop Worrying”

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Telling someone to stop worrying is not a practical solution. It can make them feel like their feelings are not valid and that they should be able to control their stress. A better approach would be to listen and offer reassurance by acknowledging their feelings and reminding them that it is okay to feel anxious.

“Can We Talk About This Later?”  

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Avoiding conversations about someone’s anxiety can make them feel isolated and alone. Providing a safe space for them to express their thoughts and emotions is essential. Offer to listen or schedule a time to talk when they are ready.

“You’re Ruining the Mood”  

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Constant anxiousness can be very challenging and may affect how someone reacts to certain situations. Saying they are ruining the mood can make them feel guilty and ashamed for something they cannot control. You should try to understand what may be triggering and offer support instead of judgment.

“You Need to Toughen Up”    

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Suggesting that someone needs to toughen up invalidates their feelings and can make them feel weak or inadequate. Anxiety is not a choice, and they feel bad enough already. Stick with positive and supportive statements like “You are strong and capable” or “I believe in you.”

“Just Think Positive Thoughts”  

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While positive thinking can benefit some, it may not work for everyone. It also implies that the person’s negative thoughts are the root cause, which is not always the case. Encourage them to seek professional help if needed and offer your support in finding coping mechanisms that work for them.

“Have You Tried Yoga or Meditation?”  

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Yoga and meditation can help manage anxiety, but they are not a one-size-fits-all solution. Suggesting these activities to an anxious person may come across as dismissive of their struggles. Try asking if there are any activities or hobbies that they find helpful before suggesting any.

“You Don’t Look Anxious”

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Anxiety does not have a universal appearance. People living with it may look completely fine on the outside while struggling on the inside. Saying this phrase suggests they should fit into a stereotypical image of anxiety.

“You Have Nothing to Be Anxious About”

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People have different experiences; what may trigger one person may not affect another. Telling someone they have nothing to be anxious about can belittle their feelings and make them feel like they are doing something wrong.

“I’m Always Anxious Too”

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Comparing your level of anxiety to someone else’s minimizes their experience. Everyone experiences stress differently, and it is important to acknowledge each person’s feelings without comparing them to yours.

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